It is your race to win - or lose

I just finished a long and tiring kite foiling regatta. Four days, 18 individual races. I did well in some races, poorly in others. I was competing with 67 other kiteboarders, yet my success had very little to do with them. Let me repeat my last point: my performance in the competition had little to do with what all the other competitors did. It had everything to do with what I did. When I had a good start, nail my maneuvers and didn't explode - among other things - I did well. When I made mistakes or simply sailed slow, I did poorly.

You might be thinking that I am stating the obvious, but in my experience most people focus way too much on what their competitors do and not enough on their own race. More importantly, many other aspects of our lives are the same. Take startups, for example: entrepreneurs obsess over their competitors way too much without realizing they will succeed or fail based on their own execution, regardless of what their competitors do. Sure, there are exemptions, you might have a hard time charging for something that your competitor is giving away for free. But, at least in my experience, the exemptions are few and far between. And even when what your competitor does truly impacts you, what you do impacts you more.

So, during your next race, make sure you are going fast, choosing the right side of the course and nailing your laylines. Then, and only then, worry about your competitors.

Sharing the podium for the Grand Masters Division with kitesurfing legends Chip Wasson and Alex Aguera

Familiar Faces and Familiar Places

Cindy and I are spending a few days in Tarifa. What first attracted us to Tarifa was the combination of kitesurfing and a charming Mediterranean town. Tarifa is THE most popular kiting destination in the world. On a windy day there are literally hundreds of kitesurfers out on the water simultaneously.

But what keeps us coming back is something else: the people. Within hours of arriving we are out having drinks with friends. Forgot a kite leash or pump? Not to worry, a local friend will lend us one. And beyond our friends, there is something reassuring about seeing "familiar faces" all around. Whether it is the waiter from our favorite breakfast place, who this morning showed us the livecam of her dog cooling in front of a fan, or the bartender at the kite spot who was telling us how much her niece has grown since we last saw her a year ago... Or even the parking and bathroom attendants. You feel a bit more "at home" when you are surrounded by familiar faces... It reminds me of the the Annapurna hotel where I went as a kid, then adolescent, every December for over a dozen years...

Exploring new places can be fun. But not as good as getting to know the ones you really like - and going back over and over again...

The Price to Pay

I was reading an article in my favorite sailing magazine about a team that capsized their 60 foot trimaran while training for a round-the-world race. The incident  broke their mast, required an elaborate towing operation (of their upside down hull) and put them "out of commission" for months. The cause was a common one for these kind of accidents: they didn't react quickly enough to a gust of wind, by easing their sails. By the time they realized what was going on it was too late. A fraction of a second delay on the crew's part resulted in disaster.

My initial reaction was to blame the crew for sailing too aggressively and putting themselves at risk. Why did they need to sail so close to the edge and risk such a devastating incident? But as I read the skipper's cool and matter-of-fact description of the incident it hit me that they were just doing what all top competitors must do if the want to have a chance of winning: giving it their all and sailing "on the edge". You can aspire to win if you train by "playing it safe". Look at most world class athletes and you'll see that most, if not all, sometimes push things a bit too far (or simply get unlucky while being on the edge). If you want to reach, or even establish, the limit of your activity's performance, you have to be willing to go over the edge every now and then. For around the world maxi multihulls, that can mean hundreds of thousands of dollars in damage and months to recover. For other activities, the gear damage might be less, but a few bones might break.

This is very personal to me. I've been playing it way too safe with my kiteracing. I've not broken any bones or damaged much gear, but I am not going that fast either. Can I push myself to the edge? Take harder falls than I have? It is the price to pay...

A Problem Solved is Better than No Problem

I drove with the boys from SF to Stinson Beach a few days ago. It was the first time just the four of us were together in the car in a while... And the bonus was that rather than a mile, we were together for 20! So what did we talk about? We spoke about how solved problems can be better than no problems. Two recent kitesurfing incidents illustrate this...

The first incident occurred when I arrived to the Crissy Field parking lot and remotely opened my car's trunk. My foilboard was leaning on the tailgate and slid out of the car, fell to the floor and cracked. Now, cracking my only foilboard would normally be a major problem. Yet, with the help of my friends I solved the problem so seamlessly I ended up happier than if nothing had happened. I won't bore you with all the details, but one friend helped me patch the board so that I could kite that day; another friend took the board to the boardmaker and brought me a loaner board the next day, so that I didn't miss a single day of kiting; and the boardmaker brought me the perfectly repaired board a couple of days later, and only charged me $25.

The second incident took place a few days later. I was flying a foil kite. Foil kites don't have a solid (inflatable) structure so sometimes they can't be relaunched from the water. When that happens at Crissy Field and we are not close to shore we must call the Coast Guard for a rescue. Well, I dropped my kite pretty far from shore (almost by the Golden Gate bridge) and it twisted so that it was impossible for me to relaunch it. I was about to call the Coast Guard from my VHF radio when one of my friends, who had been kiting nearby to keep an eye on me, kited to my kite, untwisted it and helped me relaunch it. It took an incredible amount of skill for him to do that - not to mention the willingness to tangle with my kite or drop his.

After both incidents I was ecstatic. Super happy that things had turned out so well - and in much better spirits than if nothing at all had happened. We discussed the possible causes for this. One was definitely the social component: due to the incidents several friends helped me. It feels good to know you have friends who care about you! But that aside, the "high" from solving a problem seems to more than offset the "low" of the problem itself,

What is the take-away? Create problems? Probably not. But how about "take risks". If things go well, you get the benefits. If things go badly, you might still end-up better off after you solve the problem.

the joy of the unexpected

The other day I went to Crissy Field without too much hope of kiting: there was barely any wind and no other kiter was there. Yet a few minutes after I got there my friend Stefaans showed up and the wind pick up to where we thought we could barely make it work. We gave it a go and had a wonderful session. Afterwards, I felt that the pleasure of the session was augmented by the fact that it was unexpected. This reminded me of a conversation I had with the boys about the pleasure one derives from the anticipation of something, e.g., a great concert, a vacation. Does this imply that there is a somewhat fixed amount of pleasure one can derive from something and that anticipation uses up some of the pleasure - while not even knowing it is coming leaves all the pleasure available for later?

I don't think so. I think these two things: the pleasure of anticipation and the pleasure of the unexpected are unrelated. Enjoying the anticipation doesn't take away from the enjoyment of the event itself. Of course, if we know it is coming we won't get the pleasure of the surprise factor, whether we enjoyed the anticipation or not.

Take away? Enjoy the anticipation of pleasurable events and also try to create spontaneous and unplanned events that might give you the joy of the unexpected.

End of an Era

I thought I had one more year - until Ale went to college. But the end came sooner: Paco decided to go to high school in San Mateo. He takes Caltrain there and we have to drop him off at the train station pretty early, so can't take the three boys together to school anymore :-(.

We should probably transition to A Meal at a Time. After all, the five of us have dinner together most nights. It is difficult to change routines... I will try.

Back to the Steam Bath

Just came back from a fabulous six day mountain biking holiday with Cindy & the boys... The third day was our longest: 7 hours on some fairly technical trails through remote mountains. 45 minutes into the ride my back "locked-up". This happens to me once or twice per year: I don't fully understand what causes it, or even what is going on with my back, but each incident lasts 3-7 days, and during this time my lower back is super stiff and fragile. Walking and standing is particularly uncomfortable.

I knew this might happen during the trip, so I came prepared with strong prescription pain-killers, which make things bearable during an incident. Problem was, I didn't have the pain-killers on my day pack. They were back in the van. That day being so long we didn't have an extra 1.5+ hours to go back to the van and get them. So when my back locked up I was faced with two choices: abandon de ride and go back on my own to the van - then wait for ~6 hours for them to finish - or, continue with the ride. I could barely stand or walk, but riding was fine. I decided to try to continue with the ride and return if it got too uncomfortable. Turned out riding the bike was mostly fine and only getting on and off the bike was painful. Our guide Chris and Cindy helped me out during the short sections when we had to carry our bikes and I actually really enjoyed what turned out to be one of the best rides of our trip. Having said that, by the 6th hour even riding started to become uncomfortable, and by the time we made it back to the van I could not put any weight on my Left leg. The pain-killers and a dip in an icy-cold stream helped, but I was starting to believe it might have been a bad idea to keep riding...

The next morning (days 2 & 3 of an episode are usually the worst) I could barely walk. Our guide Chris had done some research and found that there was an aquatic center nearby with a steam bath, sauna & hot tub. I was in no condition to ride, so while the rest of the group went for a ride, I stayed at the aquatic center, hoping it would make me feel a bit better. I went straight for the steam bath and within 20 minutes it was like magic: my back was almost normal. When they came to pick me up two hours later they couldn't believe their eyes: I had slowly limped into the center yet came out walking normally. The steam bath had cured me! I skipped that afternoon session, but by the next day was as good as new - and got to fully enjoy the last two days.

Takeaways?

- My theory that when my back locks remaining physically active heals it faster seems to be correct. I believe the "locking" of my back is a defense mechanism, not an injury. I need to convince my back that it is OK to relax.

- A steam bath might be a magical cure for some back problems.

- A good guide makes all the difference

At our best during our worst moments

During last week's kite race I accidentally crashed my kite into another competitor's kite, wrecking his kite (mine suffered no damage). It was entirely my fault and I felt terrible. I could have simply "left the scene of the accident". But I felt really bad and wanted to do all I could to help the other racer. For a short while I simply stayed floating close to him waiting for the rescue boat to pick him up. Then I realized that we had identical kites, so I could give him my kite and take his. This would allow him to compete in the following race and avoid the ordeal of a rescue. We did that and I got rescued with his kite. Afterwards I told him that we should swap kites permanently. He would keep my kite, which was in perfect shape, and I would keep his broken kite and fix it.

The other kiter really appreciated my behavior and told me that last time he had a similar incident the racer who was at fault didn't do anything to help him with his situation or broken gear. He simply apologized and moved on. I didn't feel that I was doing anything particularly special. I had caused an incident and felt that it was my responsibility to do everything within my power to correct the situation. Why should the other kiter deal with the cost and hassle of repairing a kite that I had broken? Yet, as we all know, not everyone always does the "right thing". This bad situation that I caused gave me the opportunity to show that I am one of those people who does try to do the right thing. And the people who witnessed that appreciated it.

I am obviously not suggesting that we intentionally put ourselves in bad situations to show we behave well in them :-). Just that we remember that our worst moments sometimes give us the opportunity to be at our best. 

Financial Leverage 101

Told the boys about financial leverage. Used the example of buying a house with 100% of your own money versus a 20% downpayment and 80% mortgage. When you sell the house, your return can be a lot better if you have the leverage of the mortgage. Of course, you need to factor the cost of the mortgage, i.e., the interest, and the risk that if the value of your investment goes down you might end up owing more money to the bank than your investment is worth.

Sometimes people use leverage because they have no choice. They simply don't have the money to buy the asset without borrowing. Sometimes they do it for the better expected financial return - if they think they can invest the rest of their money in something else that will give a better return than the cost of the loan.

A bit of leverage can be good, and sometimes represent's "free money". For example, interest expenses on home mortgages are tax deductible. That tax deduction is an incentive from the government towards home ownership and is, in essence, free money. Of course, even with that benefit sometimes you are better off not borrowing, say, if the interests are too high, or not buying, say if renting is a better route. So it is important to always keep the big picture in mind.

Beware of First Impressions

A few years ago I met a couple of people around the same time. One was more extroverted and charismatic, call him Bob, the other more serious and quiet, call him Jim. I initially became closer with Bob. He was much easier to talk to. I was a bit intimidated by Jim. Yet over the years I had the opportunity to interact many times with both and realized that I didn't really like Bob very much. Sure, at first he seemed nice & fun, but it turned out underneath he was a bit mean and didn't share any of my values. Jim, on the other hand, turned out to be the nicest guy. Sure, he is a quiet guy, but after talking with him enough times I realized we got along very well and had many shared values and beliefs.

I thought this was a timely anecdote to share with the boys as Paco is about to go to a new school for high school. He will meet dozens of classmates and might decide who to befriend based on first impressions... The good news if that in a situation such as high school, Paco will have plenty of time to get to know most (if not all) of his classmates - and thus move beyond first impressions. Most situations in life are not like that. So what to do? At least one should be aware of the imperfect nature of first impression judgements. Be careful about "superficial" traits that might make someone likeable, e.g., charisma, and those traits that might make other people harder to relate to, e.g., seriousness, shyness. Figure out what is it that you really care about in people and assess that.

We see and hear what we expect to see and hear

Ale was giving Paco a hard time about being late when Nico jumped in saying he wasn't late. Ale clarified he was referring to Paco only but Nico insisted Ale had also referred to him. Truth is Ale had been super specific about Paco, even saying that while Paco got up first, he was often last to the car. I believe that Nico had heard what he expected to hear, i.e., his older brother giving him a hard time. And our memories are so unreliable that I am sure Nico remembered Ale saying his name. We construct our memories based on our expectations.

A related situation that I often see is people who believe they can "interpret" others expressions and intonations. "It is not what you said but how you said it". Maybe. But a more accurate saying might sometimes be "It is not what you said but what I expected you to say". So, think hard before jumping to conclusions. Don't try to read too much between the lines, as more often than not, it is you who is writing there, not the person speaking.

Junkie Takes Desperate Measures

I am a kite junkie. After a day or two without kiting I start to get pretty desperate. I need my kitesurfing fix to remain sane. I joke that I now understand drug addicts better. I can relate to the feeling of needing something to which you are addicted - and doing whatever it takes to get it.

Last week I injured my wrist. For a couple of days I wasn't sure how serious it was and how long I might need to stay out of the water. Needless to say I was VERY concerned. The idea of not being able to kite for weeks, or even months, (specially now in the middle of the kite racing season) was devastating. In short, I was desperate. And desperate people do desperate things. What did I do? Fortunately, nothing too radical ;-). A few weeks earlier my mother had been in town and brought some Peyote cream. She said it had done wonders for her knee. At the time I was pretty dismissive. Peyote? Isn't that what some native americans smoke (or chew?) to hallucinate? At least that is what I remembered from Carlos Castaneda... Yet when my ability to kite was at stake, I was willing to try anything. Where is that Peyote cream?

The incident got me thinking about the crazy things that people do when they are really desperate - and the many people that try to take advantage of them. Need to recover a loved one? Need to lose weight? Need a job? Any route that offers hope is worth exploring - even if under normal circumstances we know it would be silly.

What is the take-away? Be on the lookout for crazy things we (or our loved ones) might do in desperate situations. Pay attention to the downside. Most times there isn't much downside: the cream doesn't help, the psychic doesn't change things, we waste a bit of money. But other times we might make matters significantly worst...

As to my wrist, I am glad to report that immobilizing it with a brace is making it better. And I can even kite with the brace :-). The Peyote cream, on the other hand, didn't seem to help.

Bait and Switch

A few days ago I got an email with the subject "Speaker Invitation". The organizer of a conference about start-ups and entrepreneurship was asking me if I would be interested in participating in the event. I enjoy speaking at these kinds of events - as I usually get great feedback from the participants - so I gave him a tentative yes, but asked for more details about my participation and the agenda. At this point someone else from the organization took over the conversation and suggested that I help judge a start-up competition. Looking into the details I realized though that, given the number of judges and start-ups, my contribution would be pretty minimal. The event was not going to be in San Francisco and I concluded that it would not be worthwhile for me to go to the event unless I could contribute more significantly. I told them as much at which point they apologized and said the speaking slots where all full. The whole things felt like a "bait and switch". Like a car dealership that showcases an amazing deal on the window only to tell prospective buyers that that car had been sold, but they had another one available... My message to the boys: don't engage in this kind of behavior and be on the lookout for those who try to pull a bait and switch on you.

Cash Flow & Liquidity

I explained to the boys the concepts of cash flow and liquidity. These concepts are relevant to organizations as well as individuals. You might be "profitable", have more income than expenses, but if the timing of your expenses is sooner than that of your income, you might run out of cash and get into a lot of trouble. This, I believe, is the primary reason start-ups fail.

You might have valuable assets, but if they are illiquid they might do you no good when you need cash. A house might take weeks or months to sell; a company might take months, years or never find a buyer. Often there is a trade-off between speed and value: a car can always be sold quickly at a dealer, but for less than a private buyer, who might take weeks to find, would pay.

Understand these concepts and keep an eye on them for your personal and professional lives.

Sleep on it

Someone asked one of my relatives for a favor that he wasn't sure he wanted to do. It wasn't something urgent, but instead of taking his time to think about it, my relative agreed on the spot to do the favor. A few hours later he was regretting his decision. I mentioned to the boys that I try to take my time and "sleep" on important or difficult decisions. But some people feel compeled to answer requests right away. One approach that often works for me is to take a tentative decision and see how I feel about it after a few hours. My gut usually gives me pretty good feedback, but it does need a bit of time to "react" to my decision.

This approach shouldn't be confused with dragging our feet or being indecisive. Additional days will rarely help, and we need to be sensitive to the timeframe of the specific matter and set clear expectations about when we will provide an answer. For example, sometimes someone asks me for something and he can't wait hours for an answer. But 10 minutes are not a problem. So I take the ten minutes to think about it or maybe discuss it briefly with someone else. I find this approach particularly helpful for phone calls: someone calls me with a tough request. I ask him if I can call him back in ten minutes with an answer, hang up and think about it without the pressure of having the phone to my ear.

Plan with your Left Side, Execute with the Right one

I have been trying to learn to tack on my foilboard. Progress has been VERY slow... I must have attempted hundreds of tacks by now! The other day, instead of "thinking" about what I needed to do (pull gradually on rear hand to send the kite to the new side; wait for the kite to be overhead then send board to the new side; shift weight forward as I swing under the kite, etc, etc) I tried just letting my body do whatever came naturally. In other words, let the Right side of my brain take over. If I could do the tacks in slow motion, thinking through them would work just fine. The problem is that I can't think through the steps fast enough. I am still thinking about step number 2 when I need to be doing step 3! The Right side of my brain, on the other hand, operates much more quickly than the Left.

Of course the answer is not that simple because the Right side of my brain doesn't know what to do (at least not yet). I think this is where a technique like visualization comes in: you go through the maneuver in your head in advance and in slow motion. You do this guided by the Left side of your brain - while, hopefully, the Right side is quietly paying attention.  Then when you are in the water and need to do the maneuver quickly, you let the Right side show you what it learned.

OK. Enough mumbo jumbo. I am going to go kiting know and see what happens!

20 Feet From Stardom

Watched this great documentary over the weekend. Several take-aways that I discussed with the boys this morning:

- The spotlight is not for everyone. It is not just a matter of talent or effort. Some of the back-up singers in the film are as talented and hard-working as any lead singer. But it takes a certain kind of person to succeed in and enjoy the spotlight.

- Of the dozen or so featured singers only one succeeds in becoming a lead singer, and after decades of trying. Several were still trying when the film was made. Others had given up. My favorite one concluded that doing back-up singing was just fine for her. She tours with the Rolling Stones and seems to have a terrific time doing so. Ale observed that touring with the Rolling Stones is by itself a huge success. I agreed. The point is that, for some people, succeeding as a back-up singer is a better fit than succeeding as a lead singer.

- Being in the spotlight has its downside - this is one of the reasons it is not for everyone. It is much more stressful & risky, not to mention other aspects such as the loss of privacy.

- Cindy mentioned there is an analogous situation in many other fields: theater, music, dance, science, business. This got me thinking that I've become a back-up singer. I work with entrepreneurs who are on the spotlight but I remain on the sidelines. I like it this way. A good chorus can make a big difference and I get to perform in many different stages with lots of talented lead singers!

Hold back the offer letter

Paco gets his high school application replies today. Some schools also send emails and I was asking the boys what they thought would work better: to be the first school to reply or the last. Their initial reaction was that it wouldn't make a difference. I told them that I thought it would, but I didn't know what would work better. This got us talking about A/B testing. It also got me thinking about offer letters in competitive situations (where the candidate has multiple attractive choices).

I explained to the boys that I don't simply give candidates an offer letter that they can take, maybe shop around, and ponder upon. Instead, once I am ready to hire someone, I ask them if they are ready to join. If they are, I negotiate their compensation package, get them to agree, and only then give them the offer letter to sign on the spot. If, they are not ready to join, I find out what is holding them back, and try to address it before giving them an offer letter. If the candidate wants time to think about the offer, maybe discuss with their spouse, I give them the info they need, but not an actual printed offer letter - nor necessarily a final best offer. The problem with simply giving an offer letter is that you allow another company to give them a better one. To have the "last word". You want to be in that position.

High schools don't negotiate, but colleges do. I've heard of colleges that offer applicants they are trying to recruit better scholarships than the ones other schools are offering them. They can only do this if the have the last word.

Great White Sharks in Lake Michigan

I went to hear a shark expert yesterday talk about sharks in the SF Bay Area. His opening remarks were music to my (kitesurfing) ears: the risk of dying from a shark attack are minuscule. More people die every year from accidents involving toaster ovens, furniture or lightning than from sharks. Yet, as reassuring as this statement sounds, it is a profoundly flawed. I asked the boys about it and they immediately saw the problem: what is the denominator? What matters is not the absolute number of people who experience shark attacks, but the percentage of those who swim in areas with sharks that have incidents. Someone at the event asked this specific question and the expert said he had no statistics. But it is safe to say that more people in the world have furniture and toaster ovens than those who swim in "sharky" waters (we obviously don't want to include in the denominator the swimmers of Lake Michigan).

The expert acknowledged this point later in his presentation when he said he wouldn't go surfing at Wadell Creek in the fall. Oooppss. That is one of my favorite kitesurfing spots! The risk remains VERY low, but probably orders of magnitude higher than that of a soda machine falling on top of me or a lighting strike. A few interesting tidbits:

- There has never been an incident inside SF Bay. While great whites occasionally wander into the bay, they don't stay long. An incident inside the bay is beyond unlikely. Other species of sharks live in the Bay, but none are dangerous.
- Great whites take a single bite of their prey then wait for the prey to die before eating it. This means that if you get out of the water after the initial attack and get medical assistance you are likely to survive (only 10% of shark incidents result in a fatality). To get out of the water you need help, so don't swim/surf/snorkel alone in sharky waters.
- Most attacks involve someone on the surface that looks like a seal. The shark is looking up from the bottom and only sees a silhouette.
- Great whites migrate all the way from California to Hawaii every year. While there have been attacks in every month of the year, the most dangerous months in Northern California are August and September - and the least dangerous are March to May.
- Areas with lots of seals and sea lions are the most dangerous (Wadell Creek is right next to the Año Nuevo seal reserve).

While the population of great white sharks has been steady, the overall population of sharks has been decimated by 90% due to overfishing. Don't eat shark fin soup!!!

Good decision for the wrong reasons vs. bad decisions for the right reaons

The boys like to play a game they call "Would you rather". They give you two choices (usually each choice includes something good and something bad) and you have to choose one. I gave them such a choice today: would they rather getting a good outcome for the wrong reasons or getting a bad outcome for the right reasons. Before responding they asked for an example. I gave them one from my work: I sometimes get involved with companies that turn out to be very successful, but I do it for the wrong reasons. Other times I get involved with a company for all the right reasons, but it fails.

Alejandro's first reaction was that what matters are the reasons, since we can't predict the future. All we can do is to make decisions based on our best judgement at the time. I agreed with his sentiment, but clarified that I wasn't asking him how to go about making decisions. I was asking, if they could wave a magic wand and get outcome A or outcome B, which one they would prefer. We agreed that the good outcome is preferable, even if we got it for the wrong reasons.

My point with this exercise was to emphasize that, at the end of the day, it is the outcome that matters the most, regardless of whether we got it by good luck or brilliance. Or, in the case of a negative outcome, by bad luck or stupidity.

Win-Wins

An investor friend recently asked me to put him in touch with the CEO of a company that I am involved with. The company is doing very well and my friend wanted to establish a relationship. Problem is, the CEO is very busy and has more important things to do right now than meeting investors. I told as much to my friend who then made a different suggestion: would the CEO be interested in attending a dinner that he is organizing with some prominent industry leaders, CEOs and entrepreneurs? That sounded a lot more compelling so I shared the details with the CEO who agreed it would be worthwhile for him to attend. Win-win. The investor establishes a relationship with the CEO. The CEO attends a worthwhile event.

I told the story to the boys and also mentioned the importance of being genuine. As counter example, sometimes a person who wants my advice offers to "buy me lunch". Their implication being that they get my help and I get a free meal. Problem is: my time is a LOT more valuable to me than a free meal (unless the restaurant is VERY special). 

Are you a happy person?

I read about someone who tries to only work with "happy people". His argument is that most people have an innate level of happiness regardless of their circumstances. So, when interviewing candidates to work with him he tries to determine whether they are naturally happy. He does this by asking them about their past and measuring how happy they were, regardless of what happened.

The boys agreed they would rather spend time with happy people. So I encouraged them, when deciding who to spend time with, to try to determine their attitude and innate level of happiness. I also encouraged them be aware that others might be measuring them in a similar way. 

Time Management

Paco spoke to us about time management. He goes from shorter to longer, from more predictable to less. For example, when he has a test he starts with the multiple choice questions, then does the short questions and leaves longer problems or essays for last (to which he devotes as much time as he has left).

I suggested that one should also pre-determine how much time one wants to spend on each thing. For example, on a three hour three part test, you might set aside half an hour for the first section, an hour for the second, and an hour and a half for the third. Otherwise, you risk spending too much time on a specific area.

Ale mentioned that some standardized test, such as the SAT, force you to spend specific amounts of time on each section. The negative though is that if you complete a specific section early you can't take advantage of the extra time to work on another section.

On the "real world", I often work with entrepreneurs who are so busy with their day-to-day challenges they have not time left to work on longer term strategic issues. My advice to them is to block time in their calendars for their "non urgent" strategic stuff, because the day-to-day often takes up all the time you have, no matter how many hours per day you work (so working harder is rarely the answer). Besides, a few extra hours to fight fires is unlikely to make a big difference long term - but a few hours spent on strategic issues are crucial.

Another approach that I like to take in tests is to take a quick pass at each section first, then take another pass to improve things a bit, and keep iterating for as long as I have time. That way you make sure you get all the "low hanging fruit" and spend appropriate time across all areas.

Smoke but don't inhale. Drink but don't swallow.

The legalization of marihuana in Colorado got us talking about pot. Difficult conversation to say the least... I made the case that scientific evidence shows that alcohol is worst than marihuana in a number of ways, and the fact that alcohol is legal and marihuana isn't is an accident of history. Which, btw, might not be the case for too much longer (at least not in the "civilized" world).

So, do I think it is OK to smoke marihuana? It depends. Absolutely not wherever it is ilegal. We should never break the law. But, in a place where it is legal, then I think is is similar to drinking alcohol. You can do it as long as you do it responsibly.

Nico asked why not make alcohol ilegal as well, since both substances can harm us. Ale mentioned that that was already tried during prohibition, with poor results. In general, making something ilegal is rarely the best way to address abuse. Those who abuse it will continue to do so, and those who would have used it responsibly are the ones that stop. Not to mention the creation of ilegal mafias and cartels... Better to keep things legal but regulate them. For example, cars are very dangerous and kill millions of people. Yet we can't make cars ilegal. Instead, we require licenses, have speed limits, traffic police, etc.

Eating a lion doesn't make up for being eaten by a lion

A relative shared some potential good news with me yesterday. She didn't want to get too excited though, because it wasn't yet a "sure thing". I told her she should get excited and enjoy the "good news". Worst case, if things didn't really work out, at least she felt good for a few days.

I mentioned this to the boys this morning and asked them if the agreed with me. They didn't. They all preferred not to get excited because the disappointment if things didn't work out would more than offset the benefits of assuming the good news would pan out. Nico said that bad news stay with him longer than good ones.

Ale mentioned research that shows most people are more negatively impacted by a loss than positively impacted by an equal gain. In terms of money, for example, winning $100 then loosing $100 is worst for most people than not winning or loosing anything (even though they should be indifferent between the two scenarios). Or, in a related situation, people prefer a certain gain of $45 to a 50% chance of winning $100 (even though they should prefer the later).

I am not so sure... Maybe it is the entrepreneur in me, but I like roller coasters. Give me pleasure and pain. Don't give me dullness.

Nico put their point of view best: eating a lion doesn't compensate for being eaten by a lion.

How was your day?

I read an article recently about the importance of asking meaningful questions that show you really care - and are paying attention. Specifically, avoid "generic" questions such as "how was your day". Instead, ask "how did your math quiz go?'. Or, even more specifically, "did the trick you learned to solve factorization problems work out in today's quiz?". Equally important, engage with the answers. Does the following sound familiar: "How was your day?". "OK". End of the conversation. Instead, how about "What did you work on during your tennis practice today?". "My backhand"."So, how is it coming along? You got the top spin down now?"... You get the idea, I hope... Better to have fewer but more meaningful and engaging conversations than frequent but superficial ones.

A few days after I discussed this with the boys Nico gave Cindy a hard time for asking him how his day had been. Oooppss :-).

Wipe your B... with your Left Hand

I sprained my Right thumb mountain biking and have to wear a brace for a few weeks (should have stuck to kitesurfing! At least the brace is waterproof :-). To my surprise, the simple act of wiping my b... turned out to be difficult to do with my Left hand. I guess that after doing something for 45+ years one way my brain is struggling to do it differently. Alejandro also had to wear a brace in his Right hand recently but didn't encounter the same difficulty. Maybe it is because he has only been doing it for 15 years. Maybe I am just clumsy. Fortunately, I picked it up pretty quickly. I am amazed at the power of "muscle memory" both as a formula to do things the same way as before (be this right or wrong) and as a mechanism to learn new things.

I challenged the boys to do something different next month from the way they always do it. Ale thought that spreading his cream cheese with his Left hand might be a challenge. I suggested looking for a mental approach or formula they always use. Nico mentioned he always solves word problems the same way and would experiment changing it.

It is good to shake things up every now and then. Don't wait until your Right hand is in a brace to do it.

90% of the way there... not!

Paco spent most of the weekend working on his science fare project. By Friday night he had said that he was almost done, yet he was still scrambling to glue the last charts Monday morning as we got into the car. This reminded me of many software projects that I have been involved with in which the team declares they are 90% done, only to need 50% more time to complete the project. It seems the last 10% is often the hardest...

At least we can now "ship" many products before they are 100% ready - and fix them later with remote updates. Unlike the old days of pressing software on CD-ROMs... Too bad school projects can't be "updated" after the fact! BTW: Alejandro made the observation that it was ironic that, given the focus their school has on technology, e.g., every student has an iPad, they are required to put their entire science project on a big and bulky cardboard...

Anyway, beware of the 90% done syndrome.

Nothing to Lose

Huge success stories often involve bold moves. This is the case with individuals as well as organization. How many of the most successful entrepreneurs dropped out of a prestigious university to pursue their vision? Or invested their last penny, and then some, into their company? The same happens with companies, which sometimes put their entire future on the line to pursue a risky strategy.

These bold bets are much easier to make when you have "nothing to lose". Dropping out of Harvard, Stanford or MIT is certainly bold, yet compare that with the challenge faced by someone with a "steady job", spouse, kids and a mortgage. If this person leaves his job for a start-up that fails, he might lose his house and have to relocate his family. In other words, he has a lot more to lose (at least on the surface). Same goes for companies: a small company that "bets the farm" on a new product might go under, but compare that with a multi-billion dollar corporation with thousands of employees and shareholders. The later has a lot more downside.

The reality is of course more complicated than this. A large corporation might have a lot to lose if a bold bet goes wrong, yet it might also have a lot to lose if they don't innovate and evolve (just take a look at Kodak). Same goes for an individual, who might end up very unhappy if their corporate job is not satisfying - or goes away. A few takeaways I shared with the boys:

- Take advantage of situations in which you have nothing to lose. Say you take a risky job after college and it doesn't work out? Well, you just go get another job!
- Recognize that that you, or your organization, has an advantage over those who have a lot to lose - and hence behave conservatively. Having nothing to lose is a huge competitive advantage.
- If you, or your organization, does have a lot to lose, remember that "playing it safe" is not without risks. The risks tend to be longer term ones, but not less serious. Enduring organizations often reinvent themselves with bold moves and great "risks".

A Political Entrepreneur

We talk a fair amount at home about entrepreneurs. I frequently tell the boys about the entrepreneurs that I meet. Today we spoke about a different kind of entrepreneur from the typical Silicon Valley one. We spoke about our friend Leopoldo Lopez, who came over for dinner last night with his family. Leopoldo is the former mayor of Chacao (a large municipality in Caracas) and the leader of one of the main opposition parties in Venezuela.

We first met Leopoldo, and his wife Lilian, at Crissy Field. Turns out that they are kitesurfers like us. They were visiting San Francisco and a common Venezuelan friend put us in touch. We met at the beach and went kiting under the Golden Gate Bridge. Had a really good time, in spite of the fact that Leopoldo had to be rescued by the Coast Guard after kiting into a wind hole :-).

What makes Leopoldo a political entrepreneur? He has founded or co-founded two political parties (Primera Justicia & Voluntad Popular). This is the equivalent of starting companies rather than joining established ones. His current party did extremely well in last month's elections in Venezuela, taking away 17 cities away from the ruling government party (including in some of the government strongest areas, like Barinas). They achieved this with a strategy and execution that remind me of a Sillicon Valley start-up. They focused on the Venezuelan plains and Leopoldo spent months traveling through the key cities earning the support of their citizens. They tracked their performance analyzing which factors worked and which didn't.

Whatever your passion or your calling, you can be an entrepreneur.

Read the fine print

First day of classes for 2014! Started the year with a cautionary tale: a relative used to run a non-profit. While there she opened a credit card for the organization. Years later she left, moved and tried to lease a car. She got turned down for the lease. Turns out the organization had fallen behind on the credit card payments and my relative was personally responsible for it. She called the credit card company to explain that she no longer worked there but that did no good: she had signed on the doted line and assumed responsibility for the debt. The organization didn't have the cash available to pay the debt, so my relative had to pay it out of her own pocket to prevent her credit score and record from getting even worst (it had already been impacted).

Several lessons:

- Keep personal and professional finances separate. If you are assuming debt on behalf of an organization, make sure only the organization is responsible, not you personally.
- Remember that things can change significantly over time: maybe an organization has plenty of funds at one point and you don't think twice about assuming personal liability for its debts. But a few years later the organizations might have changed dramatically. The person you trust is no longer there... The business (and finances) might go South... Change is a constant.
- Have as much savings as possible for unexpected eventualities.
- Monitor your credit record.

Ask. Then Ask Again.

I told the boys this morning about a research study I recently read about. The study found most people underestimate others willingness to help them. As a result, most people don't ask for help as much as they should. The study create a number of scenarios in which participants had to ask for help, e.g., asking a stranger to borrow their cell phone. Participants had to guess what percentage of the strangers would help them. They significantly underestimated the number. The reason is very interesting: when we ask for something, we consider the size of the ask in our guess about whether we will get the help we are asking for or not. However, when someone asks something from us, what first comes to our mind, in deciding whether to help or not, is the impact of not helping. How bad will it look if I don't help? How will it impact the person who is asking? With this factor driving the decision we are more likely to help...

Furthermore, the study also found that people incorrectly assume that those who reject our requests are likely to reject future requests. Turns out those who reject a request from us are more likely to accept a future request. Think about it. If the main driver of the decision is how the rejection will be perceived, then rejecting us twice in a row would have a very negative perception, thus people try to avoid it. On the flip side, those who have already done favors for us are more likely to turn us down in the future, as that wouldn't look so bad.

Ask for help. And ask from anyone who can help you.

Don't postpone your tough decisions

Paco spoke to us about people who postpone their decision to "come out of the closet". Most of them discover that things don't turn out as bad as they feared and that the delay was the worst part of all. I observed that this can be generalized to all tough decisions, such as leaving a job or breaking up with someone. While the time immediately following the event is usually very tough, things quickly get better (much faster and much better than people anticipate). And most people look back at these events and regret not making these tough decisions sooner. Just do it!

Rebalancing your portfolio

A few months ago I helped the boys invest the savings they had (from birthday presents, allowances, etc). I used it as an opportunity to teach them a bit about investing, and also, with the hope that their savings would grow. At the time I suggested that they put 10-20% of their savings into Bitcoins. I explained to them then that Bitcoins had a lot of upside, but were very volatile and could also go way down, but that I felt they were a good long term investment (at least for a small percentage of their savings). They all liked the idea and put about 20% of their savings into Bitcoin, with the rest in a couple of mutual funds. The price of Bitcoins then was $150. The price of Bitcoins today is $1150! I am afraid this experience might have turned them into gamblers!!! Seriously, I told them this morning that they should considering re-balancing their portfolios, because their Bitcoins now represent 70% of their savings.

I put it this way to them: if they were investing their savings today, would they put 70% of them in Bitcoins? Probably not. The fact that their Bitcoin gains come form the appreciation of Bitcoins is irrelevant. Similarly to when they first invested their savings they should allocate a small fraction of them to such a risky asset. If they sell some and keep some they can feel good about what they sold if the price goes down and good about what they kept if the price goes up. A win-win :-).

We also spoke a bit about time horizons and needs. Nico joked that Ale could now buy himself a car. I made the point that if getting a car was an important goal and the value of his investment was enough he should consider selling his investments and setting the money aside for the car. Sure, he might miss some additional upside, but that is OK if he secures his objective. Ale is not interested in a car at this point though, but he might put some money aside for a nice bike :-).

Some people, of course, don't like to "play it safe" but prefer to make big bets.  We often read about these people in the news - at least the ones whose bets pay off. I actually like being bold and taking big risks. That is often how fortunes are made. But you must have conviction on your bets. If one of the boys understood Bitcoins well and had conviction their value would go up, I would be supportive of their investing the bulk of their savings in them. But not just because they "might" go up. That would be gambling.

Ale sold his old iPhone to a nice Nigerian lady... Not!

Ale was very happy yesterday because he had sold his old iPhone on eBay for a great price. Last night he asked for my help to send the buyer an invoice. I was about to do it when I realized the buyer's address was in Nigeria. Oh, oh. Not good. Did the buyer have a credible reputation on eBay? Nope. Brand new account. A quick online search exposed the scam: buyers from Nigeria send sellers fake PayPal receipts asking for shipping tracking numbers in order to clear the funds. The products are shipped and the money is never sent. Fortunately we caught this one in time.

What are warning signs of scams?

- Deals that are too good to be true often are... The buyer had offered to pay the full price plus a generous shipping premium.

- Lack of reputation. Try to do business with people you know or whose reputation you can somehow validate. 

- Unusual stories should arise suspicion: in this case, the buyer was supposedly sending the iPhone to her aunt who worked at the US embassy in Nigeria.

- I often sell my used kitesurfing gear online. Sometime scammers contact me and they usually use language like "I am interested in your item". No legitimate buyer would say that. Legitimate buyers ask questions about my kites and boards, their use and other such things.

I mentioned to the boys that iPhones and kites are relatively trivial things - worst case we lose a few hundred dollars. But the stakes can be MUCH higher. Plenty of people have lost their life savings to unscrupulous scammers, and not just from Nigeria. Remember Bernie Madoff & Allen Stanford...

We are too Picky

As I mentioned a few days ago, Cindy and I are trying to purchase a second home. We are negotiating with the sellers and have a serious disadvantage: we are picky. We are only interested in houses that meet many criteria.There are VERY few houses that meet all our criteria. When we find one, we are willing to pay a premium for it because it would take us a long time to find another one. The more special something is for you, the less negotiating leverage you have.

Contrast our situation with someone who would be glad with any of dozens of possible houses. This person could negotiate more aggressively and pass on many houses because he has many alternatives. But, can you "become" less picky? We've tried without success. We like what we like... Fortunately, we are not picky at everything, so we can "pick our battles". We optimize those things for which we are not picky and focus our resources on those things for which we are. And, needless to say, when we find that special something that meets our "pickiness", we go for it.

Allowances

One of Paco's friends told him he didn't think allowances were a good idea. Why should kids get "free money"? They should learn to work for their money. Ale said that allowances taught kids how to manage their money. How much to save, how much to spend.

I asked Paco if his friend received an allowance. He doesn't. So how does he buy an afternoon snack or a movie ticket? His parents pay for it. The point of allowances, I explained, is not to give kids "free money", but to teach kids to manage their own money. Instead of paying for all their expenses, like his friend's parents do, we give them a modest allowance that they must manage. I agreed, though, that we are sometimes guilty of paying for too many of their expenses anyway, so that their allowance ends up being like free money. But we can easily correct that ;-).

We spoke a bit about the importance of saving for large purchases. For example, Ale mentioned that if he were to get a car, he would love a VW Beetle. I told him that a new Beetle costs $20K, not an amount he will accumulate with allowances and birthday presents alone. But some work and investing his savings carefully should get him well on his way.

The important things in life

Last Monday I woke up in an existentialist mood. I asked they boys what they thought were the most important decisions in their life. All agreed that choosing their significant other and their profession were the top two. Ale & Paco also included where to live.

How do we know if we've made the right choices? We check. Periodically. Are we still enjoying our job? Do we still love our spouse? Do we still wake up every day happy with our choices? Of course we all have bad days, but if we start having more bad days than good ones it is probably time for a change. And the sooner the better. Leaving a job, girlfriend or town might seem "undoable". Yet if it is the right thing time only makes it harder. Furthermore, most people find that, after the initial shock, things are not as hard as one imagined and are often much better, e.g., you find a better job or meet a new person. People who make major life changes rarely regret them, but often regret not making them sooner.

That was a bit heavy... Oh well, these conversations can't all be "fun and games"!

Buying a house

For many years Cindy and I have been on the hunt for a weekend/vacation home. We recently discovered a promising property. We love the location but the house has numerous "issues" that need to be investigated. For example, part of the deck is on the neighbor's land  - and there is no formal agreement about this. There are also limitations regarding the ability to remodel the house (which desperately needs work).

After viewing the house with our broker I told him that I would be up for making an offer for the house before any of the issues were resolved. I would simply factor the issues into the offer price, and tell the sellers that I would make a higher offer if the issues were addressed. My broker suggested a different approach: making a (higher) offer that assumes the issues can all be resolved, but make it contingent on resolving them. I explained to the boys this morning why I preferred my approach:

1) Offers have inertia and create "anchors". If I start with a high number it would be difficult for me to negotiate a lower one, even if some of the issues remain unresolved. Much easier to start with a low number and raise it as issues get resolved. In negotiations you are better of if the other party is the one that needs to work to change the offer - while you are OK with the terms as they are.

2) Related to the last point, I want to put the onus on the seller to resolve the issues so that I raise my offer.

My broker argued that a higher offer that is accepted would lock out other potential buyers while we look into the issues. Yet this would likely put me in a weak negotiating position. Why? In all likelihood some of the issues will be resolved and some won't. So I would be faced with the option of paying the higher price even though not all issues were resolved, or withdrawing my offer altogether. Much better to be ready to raise my initial offer when issues get resolved.

Unfortunately a real estate broker's compensation is not aligned with the interests of a buyer. Since they earn a commission based on the sale price their economic incentive is for the sale price to be as high as possible. Furthermore, since they only get their commission in the event of a transaction, their economic interest is for a transaction to occur, regardless of whether it is good or bad for the buyer. When someone is helping you, it is important to keep in mind their motivations and incentives, particularly when they might not be aligned with yours...

Family Challenge & Foiling Tacks

Earlier this year I learned to kite-surf on a hydrofoil. After plenty of hours I've figured out how to go upwind and downwind. I've been doing my races on it and really loving it (I am the second from the right on the photo below).

But I haven't learned how to tack yet. Instead, when I need to change tacks upwind, I do a gybe (which is very slow and hurts me during the races). The very top racers do roll-tacks while on their foils. This is world champion Johnny Heineken in the middle of a foiling tack:

So, I should just learn to foil tack, right? Well, problem is, I don't know if I can. What??? Sure if I devote enough time I can do it, right? Well, have you ever seen a circus performer juggle knifes while riding a unicycle on a tight rope? Do you think anyone can learn to do that if they just devote enough time to it? I am not sure... 

I was discussing this with the boys this morning and their response was: sure you can learn it. So, I had an idea: how about a family challenge? Each member of the family must establish a challenging goal and a timeline. Then we can all work on our goals. They escaped from the car before responding :-).  To be continued...

Stuck in a bus with a weirdo

A few days ago Nico came with me to a party at our yacht club. He went for a stroll around the club while I chatted with my kiter friends. Then I realized Nico was back in the room having what looked like a very engaging conversation with an adult I didn't recognize. I imagined the adult was a windsurfer or some other club member, and thought that it was cool that he was so engaged with Nico. They were just a few meters from me but I couldn't hear what the were saying. I figured I would leave them alone and kept chatting with my friends. Ten minutes or so later Nico came by and asked if we could leave. It was getting late so I agreed.

As soon as we left the club Nico told me the guy he was talking with was crazy, drunk or both. He was talking to Nico about Satan, Nazi cruelty and all sorts of inappropriate things. I was stunned. They had been just a few meters from me, in the safety of our yacht club! I asked Nico why he didn't leave. Nico found himself in an uncomfortable situation. He knew the conversation was inappropriate yet he was somewhat paralyzed. Didn't know what to do, so did nothing. Just let the guy keep talking while nodding.

I spoke with the boys about the importance of stopping situations like this one. There is no need to be rude, confrontational or to make a scene. A simple "excuse me but I have to go" usually works - particularly when your father is a few meters away. Other situations are more challenging: imagine being in a crowded bus with someone right next to you saying inappropriate things. You could try saying that you have to do something, then focus on your phone or a book. If you can, you could move to a different part of the bus. The less you say the better. Be polite but firm, then disengage. Worst case, get off the bus and catch the next one. 

Hold Your Horses

I recently got custom kite board for a racing hydrofoil. The board arrived before the foil and I discovered the holes for the screws to attach the hydrofoil were misplaced. I was upset with the board maker - particularly since his explanation was that one of his measurement tools can sometimes be a bit off. He said I should file the holes on the hydrofoil when I receive it. This seemed like a bad idea: filing my brand new carbon hydrofoil to make up for the mistake of a board maker? Fortunately, I decided to wait until I received the hydrofoil to decide what I could do. When I got the foil the holes were indeed off, but filing them to make them fit to the board was very simple and didn't compromise the foil as I feared.

We sometimes overreact to problems - particularly during our youth when we have "shorter fuses". Give problems "time"... Sometimes, they even sort themselves out on their own. Other times, like in the above situation, the solution turns out to be simple. And even in situations in which the problems remain big and serious, a cool head is a always good thing.

Capture Crissy Field

Until yesterday afternoon, the government shutdown was another act of government stupidity that we read about in the news. The closure of Yosemite and the Lincoln Memorial were far away events... But yesterday when I went to kitesurf I discovered that Crissy Field was closed. The parking lot entrance was blocked but the exit was open. There were people inside so I simply drove through the exit. Others did the same thing until a policeman showed up and started to stop those who drove in through the exit. The ridiculous thing was that the policeman didn't do anything about those of us already inside enjoying the park. His only issue was with those driving in through the exit. So, once you got in, you were fine. It was just getting in that was the problem. The term "loophole" came to mind. Alejandro thought of the game Capture the Flag.

The next day it got worst (or better depending on your point of view). The police blocked both the entrance and the exit so we had to park outside and walk in. The police had no problem with people using the park as long as we didn't drive into the parking lot. Not sure I understand their rationale. The whole thing felt like a silly show: the policeman had to pretend to close the park. And as a result we had to cross a busy street and carry our heavy kitesurfing gear for a few hundred meters...

Not a proud day for USA.

Don't Lecture Your Girlfriend

Ale spoke to us today about lecturing people. More specifically, about not lecturing peers, as that can often be inappropriate. I said lecturing is usually a bad idea for a variety of reasons, including the fact that, more often than not, the person you are "lecturing" already knows what you are telling them. That morning, for example, we lectured Nico about not wrinkling his homework. But he already knew he should take care of his homework. It would have probably been more effective to simply get him a folder and make sure he puts his work inside it so that it doesn't wrinkle in his bag.

As to whether one must be more careful with peers, I agreed that having no authority can make it harder to be critical, yet the best leaders don't rely on their authority to provide constructive criticism and get people on 'their side". Furthermore, peers recognize that some people are better than others at different things. For example, a schoolmate might defer to his classmate in matters of mathematics while his friend defers to him on matters of soccer.

I asked Ale what got him thinking about this topic and he said his girlfriend had told him the day before that he was lecturing her. Now, girlfriends and boyfriends are a TOTALLY different mater. A very sensitive matter... But one for another day ;-).

Spreading Your Bets

Nico asked us to think about the following hypothetical: five poor people need help. Each needs $5 to get cloth and have a chance of getting a job. You only have $5. Do you give it all to one person or do you give $1 to each? After a bit of debate we concluded the following: If giving $1 to each increase the likelihood that some could get the remaining $4, in other words, you contributed more than just 20% to their likelihood of success, then that was a better way to go. If you only contribute 20% to their chances of success, then both options were equivalent, and if your dollar increase their odds of success less than 20%, then better to give $5 to one person. How could giving them 20% of their needs increase their odds more than 20%? Maybe the first dollars motivates them to be more proactive about looking for the remaining $4. Or maybe the fact they already have $1 will make it more likely that others help them.

I spoke a bit about investing: $1 investments in five companies vs. a $5 investment in one company. The first approach is more diversified. You are less likely to loose all your money. You are also less likely to hit a home-run. And there are other factors to consider: if successful investments improve your reputation (like they do for venture capitalists and angel investors) then the diversified approach has an advantage: you have a higher likelihood of having a successful outcome that you can "advertise", while people wont find out about your bad investments. Furthermore, people won't know whether you invested $1 or $5 in your successes. Of course, if your priority is to increase the likelihood of a home-run you are better of making bigger bets on fewer companies...

It is a serendipitous world

Serendipity is a huge factor in our life. You bump into an old acquaintance at a party. Turns out he just got involved in a very interesting project. Next thing you know you get involved with the project and your professional life changes drastically. Had you skipped the party or not bumped into him your life would evolve very differently. Or, even more significant: your old acquaintance introduces you to his cousin. You hit it off with her and end up marrying her and having children together! So what? Three things:

1) Pro-actively increase the likelihood of positive "random" events. If you go to the right events, spend time with the right people, and so on, there is a higher likelihood that these "opportunities" will knock on your door. Don't stay home watching TV...

2) When an opportunity comes up, jump on it. It is hard to know in advance which opportunity will be that special one in a lifetime one. If something looks special and promising, take it to the next level. Say you meet someone new that feels special. You might not know right away if she is your "soulmate". But if it seems that might be the case, look into it. Explore it. And, do it quickly. You never know when some other random event might take this person to Australia...

3) Eliminate the need for serendipity to achieve your goals. Take the example above, in which you bumped into an acquaintance involved in an interesting project, and that encounter changed your career. You could have pro-actively monitored what your personal network was doing, and reached out to anyone involved in something interesting that might be a fit for you. No need to bump into them on the street.

Too Drunk to Realize it

I recently read some research about the negative impact that multi-tasking has on our performance. It has been proven that multi-tasking deteriorates our performance, yet most of us think that it doesn't. This particular research looked into why we don't realize our lower performance. The bottom line is that one of the things that multi-tasking deteriorates is our ability to gage our own performance! Something similar happens to people when they are drunk: they underestimate the impact of the alcohol on, for example, their driving ability, because the alcohol impairs their ability to measure their own abilities.

Who knows Ruben Blades' song Decisiones?

El borracho está convencido que a él 
el alcohol no le afecta los sentidos, 
por el contrario, 
que sus reflejos son mucho más claros 
y tiene más control. 

Por eso hunde el pie en el acelerador 
y sube el volumen de la radio 
para sentirse mejor (bien chevere). 
Y cuando la luz cambiando a amarilla, 
las ruedas del carro chillan 
y el tipo se cree un James Bond, 
decide la luz del semáforo comerse 
y no ve el truck aparecerse en la oscuridad. 

Pito, choque y la pregunta 
"¿Qué pasho?" 
Pa’ la eternidad 

Influenced by Books, Movies & Conversations

Paco is reading Atlas Shrugged (required teen read ;-). He told us how he notices the influence the book is having on his day to day life, as different events and conversations make him think about the book. Last year he had a similar experience while reading Enders' Game.

We spoke about other things that influence us. Movies - although, with few exemptions, they tend to have shorter and less meaningful impact. And conversations. What probably makes books different is that we might spend weeks reading a book, and be influenced by that book during that entire period.

I mentioned to the boys the importance of being sensitive to how we might be influencing others. Particularly when we are in a position of authority. For example, when I am at a company meeting in which I am the most senior person, I often try to speak last, so that the rest of the people are not influenced by my opinion before expressing their opinions. Cindy and I do something similar with the boys, with who we like to think we have influence :-). For things that we believe there is a right and wrong, we'll tell the boys what we think very explicitly. But for more ambiguous things we try to be careful and let them come to their own opinions, e.g., religion, politics, art, etc.

Pat me in the back and make me feel good about my decision

A relative called me the other day for advice. She was facing an important decision and asked for my opinion. I started to share my thoughts with her but soon realized that she had already made her mind. She wasn't looking for my advice to help her decide what to do. She was looking for my approval to feel better about her decision.

What to do? Should I call her on it and try to have a proper analysis about her decision, or should I give her the approval that she was looking for? It probably depends on how strongly I feel about her choice. If I think either choice is fine and have no serious issues with her decision, probably best to simply make her feel better about her decision. But if I feel she is making a serious mistake then I should push back and try to change her mind-set into decision making instead of validation. But it is important to do this before getting into the specifics of the decision. I would be wasting my time if I start addressing the issues while in her mind the decision has already been made.

We should also be careful about doing this ourselves (often subconsciously). Are we really looking for advice or have we made our minds and just want approval or something else? Nothing wrong with seeking approval, but probably best to be explicit about it, i.e., I just decided to do X, do you think I made the right choice? As opposed to help me decide whether to do X or Y, when in reality you already decided to do X.

Optimizing Your Effort vs. Personal Fulfillment & Standing Out

An acquaintance suggested the opposite approach to what I suggested yesterday: spend little time on the subjects that you like and are good at, and focus on the more challenging ones. The premise of this approach is that it optimizes your grades. You'll probably get good grades on the subjects you like anyway but unless you work hard, you won't get good grades on those you don't. We discussed this today. 

The boys agreed the approach probably optimizes grades, and Paco mentioned that this is indeed what he does: spend a lot more time in French than in Math. But we found two problems with the approach.

1) It might optimize for "results", but it doesn't for personal "fulfillment". Ideally we should spend as much time as possible on the things that we enjoy the most. So I guess this is something to balance: results vs. fulfillment. Sometimes the two are aligned, other times they aren't.

2) GPA is important, but doing something extraordinary can be even more important. Say you like science and struggle with French. You do little work on science and still get an A. You work hard on French and get a B+. But what if you work a ton on science, do an amazing science fair project that wins the state championship, still get an A, work less on French and get a C. Winning the state science fair competition might more than make up for that C you got in French. It is probably a personal thing: some people tend to be more "well-rounded" while others tend to stand-out in one thing...

When to play to your strengths

Should you always focus on your strengths? Today we discussed some criteria for deciding when focusing exclusively on your strengths makes sense and when it doesn't.

One criteria is timeframe. Take soccer for example. During a single game you might be able to exclusive kick with your strong leg and use your best moves. Maybe the whole game goes by without the need for you to do something else, and focusing on your strengths will likely improve your performance. But consider an entire season and it becomes unlikely you will be able to avoid all your weak spots. So maybe you focus on your strengths during specific games, particularly important ones, but work on your weaknesses during practices.

Another criteria is wether a weak point can be ignored entirely or not. Staying with the soccer analogy, suppose you are weak at penalty kicks, but plenty of your teammates are good at it. You can probably go the whole season without needing to do a penalty kick - just let your teammates do them and focus on the strengths that will help your team - maybe your passes and your defense. But if your weakness is your kicks with your Left foot, you won't be able to avoid making some kicks with your Left foot during an entire season, so you better improve at it.

Then there are the circumstances: some require you to be well-rounded, others to be a specialist. Compare speed sailing versus course racing. For speed sailing, all you have to do is go very fast for 500 meters. No strategy, no endurance, no tactics, no maneuvers. In course racing you also have to go fast, but you need to be strategic (which side of the course to take), you need endurance (the race might last an hour), you need fast maneuvers (tacks, gybes), and you need to make quick tactical decisions (do I tack away from the incoming sailor or cover him). If your strength is your ability to go very fast and you like to do speed sailing, you can ignore your weaknesses. But if you want to do course racing, you need to make sure you don't have any weak spots. What you can do, though, is to leverage your strong areas to help you with your weak ones. If you start a race by going very fast and getting ahead of the fleet then your tactics get easier and your maneuvers don't need to be as fast. In other words, start by leveraging your strength to give you an advantage, then worry about not doing too bad on your weak areas.

Taking the Good with the Bad

First day of the school year... Boys are excited about seeing their friends and meeting their new teachers. They are also a bit nervous. Will they like their classroom assignments? Seems like a good day to talk about taking the good with the bad - or is it the bad with the good? Anyway, most situations, people and things have good and bad things. Teachers they like, some that they don't. Friends in their classrooms, and some "foes". Subjects that they enjoy, some that they hate. It is often a package and you have to take it whole. You can't skip the classes you dislike or ignore the classmates you don't like. What you can do is spent the bulk of your time and energy on the things you like. But recognize there is a "minimum" you need to do even for those things you don't like. Maybe you don't do the extra credit for that teacher you don't like, just the basics. No need to spend a lot of time with the classmates you don't like, but you are polite and respectful to them, and interact with them as needed. Pretty obvious stuff I guess... But sometimes it is good to state the obvious. Just in case.

Get as many facts as you can upfront before making decisions

Last Thursday I volunteered to do race committee for the kiteboard racing series I participate in. This means getting on an inflatable motor boat and helping set the marks for the course, rescue kiteracers who get in trouble, and in general help run the race. Since Paco had no classes the following day I asked him if he wanted to join me. He said he would let me know in the early afternoon. When the afternoon came Paco said he wanted to come. I was very glad to have Paco join me, even though picking him up meant I had to change my plans for that afternoon. I also contacted the race committee to double check it was OK for Paco to come.

When it was time to leave Paco started asking me questions: how long would we be on the water, what exactly would we be doing. Upon hearing the details Paco changed his mind: he no longer wanted to come. I was very frustrated with him. I had changed my plans and spent time making sure he could come, all for nothing. But the issue wasn't that. We sometimes change our minds. That is not the problem. The issue is that Paco said he would come without really thinking about it. He should have asked his questions up-front, before saying he would come. To his defense, he wasn't aware I would have to change my plans or do any work for him to come, but then we are frequently unaware of the things people do for us - particularly relatives and friends who go out of their way for us but don't want to make a big deal about it.

This reminds me of situations in which I set up a meeting and discover 3 minutes into the meeting that nothing will come out of it, and that a bit of checking prior to the meeting would have shown that. For example, a job interview in which the candidate's salary needs are out of line with the job's compensation. Or, an investor meeting in which the geographic location of the company is incompatible with the investor. These examples might sound silly but I've been in more situations like these than I care to remember. I have gotten better though about asking as much information up front as possible to avoid them.

So remember, next time someone asks if you want to go somewhere or do something, get the facts up-front and before anyone has had to put much effort on your behalf.

PS: Paco changed his mind again and came. I think he had a good time...

Look into my eyes

I frequently tell the boys (some more than others) to look at me when we are talking. So I was delighted to read recently about research regarding the importance of looking at people in the eyes. Not doing so sends negative messages, which, depending on the context, can imply you are untrustworthy, unknowledgeable, nervous or worst. Ideal time to hold people's gaze is 8 to 10 seconds in a one-to-one setting and 3 to 5 in a group setting. Be careful about looking at people in the eyes for too long: anything beyond 10 seconds can come across as creepy or agressive.

The boys mentioned looking at people in the eyes is difficult in some contexts such as cars. I agreed, particularly for the driver. Yet a passenger looking out the window or down at a book is sending a negative signal - as opposed to one looking in the direction of the speaker...

Somewhat related topic: I hate meetings that combine people in a room with people on a speakerphone. Those in the room end up looking at the speakerphone, which creates a poor meeting dynamic. If some people can't make it in person I prefer for everyone to be on the phone. That way nobody needs to stare at a speakerphone!

Silver Fleet, Gold Fleet

This week I've been competing the Kiteboard Racing North American Championship. After two days of competition they split the fleet into Gold (top) and Silver (bottom). There are 75 competitors including most of the top racers in the World. I was expecting to be near the top of the Silver fleet, and indeed after the first day I was on 42nd place. After the 2nd day I moved up the 39th place and thought I had nailed the very top spot on the Silver fleet. I was ecstatic and spoke with the boys about how sometimes it is good not to win. Had I done just a little better I would have ended up at the bottom of the Gold fleet, with the prospect of trailing the Gold fleet for the following two days (as opposed to leading the Silver one).

Ale reminded us of the great Iranian movie Children of Heaven in which a boy slows down to try to come second in a race because the 2nd place price was a pair of shoes he desperately needed. Paco thought of Hunger Games and the benefit of not attracting too much attention early in the tournament. We also spoke about how underperforming early in a competition can have psychological benefits if your opponent is later taken aback by your improved performance and a change of momentum in your benefit.

The boys were familiar with the term sandbagging, which refers to intentionally underperforming. I think sandbagging is acceptable in some situations but inappropriate in others. A good topic for another day... In the case of the kiteracing championship, I wasn't sandbagging. I sailed my best and ended up 39th... Or so I thought. A few hours after our conversation the competitor in 38th place got a scoring penalty which moved me to 38th and the very bottom of the Gold Fleet!!! I have to confess though that it feels good to be in the Gold fleet - even if I am trailing them around the course :-). And, who knows, maybe I'll have a lucky break today and beat a few people...

Favors from a Crowd

Ale told us how his friends often ask for school related favors, e.g., what is English homework for tomorrow, on Facebook. He normally lets others respond, but today he woke up and saw a question for which he knew the simple answer. So he quickly answered it. When is it better to ask entire groups for things as opposed to specific individuals? A few rules of thumb we came up with:

- If the request is very easy to address and it is time sensitive, asking a group often works best. It is likely that someone will see it soon and be willing to answer it.

- If the request is a complex or difficult one, it is often best to ask a specific individual. Why? If you ask a group then nobody feels that they have to help you because you are not asking them specifically. But if you ask your friend William "can you please pick up my math homework today" William knows you are counting on him and will at least let you know if he can't do it - in which case you can ask someone else.

- In some circumstances you can separately ask multiple people. This makes the most sense when it helps to have several people helping. For example, if you need a recommendation for a music teacher, getting multiple recommendations would be a good thing. On the other hand you wouldn't want more than one person trying to pick up your homework!

Thinking Outside the Box

Cindy & I came back from a trip early Sunday morning. We knew the Bay to Breakers were that morning but assumed we would be able to get from the airport to our home. But as we entered the city we realized we simply couldn't drive home. The race cut the city in half and would do so for the following 4+ hours. I started to think about what to do for the following four hours... Check into a hotel, hang out in a park... Cindy then suggested that we drive to the point of the race closest to our house, park the car, cross the race on foot, take a taxi home, then go back to pick-up the car later. We did exactly that and it worked perfectly. Why didn't I think of that??? It is such a better solution than what I was thinking. My problem is that I was thinking inside the box. My box was my car and I wasn't considering separating from it. How do we catch ourselves from thinking inside boxes? Whenever the answer to a problem is not good stop and identify your constraints. Then reassess whether the constraints are real or artificial. Suggest "crazy" alternatives and ask "why not?". Your crazy suggestion might not be viable, but a variation might.

Little tips that make a big difference

Last week I learned to ride a foil kite-board. The first day I tried I could not even get started. As soon as I tried the board would tilt and prevent me from getting on it. Then a fellow kiteboarder gave me a simple tip: hold the board perpendicular to the water and get started while the board slowly becomes parallel to the water. With that approach I got going right away! I've had similar experiences learning other things: something seems very difficult until someone gives you a trick or tip to do it more easily.

When learning something new and difficult, look for tips from those who know how to do it. But be careful about who you ask. Most people, particularly the experts, don't know (or can't communicate) the "trick". Often it is those who learned recently who remember what made it happen for them. Also, the trick is not always the same for everyone, so you might need to get several until you find the one that works for you. And, if you see someone struggling to learn something you know, tell them what what the trick is.

Bad Habits

Paco spoke to us about bad habits and how learning something incorrectly can make it harder to master than not learning it at all. He gave us the example of learning a piano piece incorrectly and then even though you find out the correct way of playing you keep playing it wrong. I agreed and suggested the importance of thinking carefully about how you first learn things that might be (or clearly are) important. For example, 90+ percent of olympic gold medalists in sailing learned to sail in a particular sailboat called the Optimist. I believe that is because this is a boat that teaches kids good habits for sailing. There are other sailboats where kids might learn to sail but they might generate bad habits and negatively impact their future sailing abilities.